In times like these, we are reminded of the unpredictable nature of life, which brings challenges and obstacles to us all in our personal and professional journeys. Whether it is a job, relationship, or other venture that didn’t go as planned, some experiences can really knock us off center and make us wonder, “Where do I go from here?”
I have encountered many setbacks in my career and life from health challenges, financial struggles from relocating, the loss of close loved ones, a rescinded job promotion, and other circumstances that left me feeling stressed, lost, and broken. As I reflect on overcoming these obstacles, I wanted to share 5 lessons I learned that you may also find useful in bouncing back from a setback in life.
Self-Compassion
During those seasons when life gets tough, and it feels like things are falling apart, it is easy for our inner critic to surface in our minds. We may give into thinking the worst of ourselves and develop a limited view that only focuses on the negative aspects of the situation. While it is completely natural to be hard on ourselves, it is important to develop an attitude of self-compassion to help us begin the process of moving forward.
Research expert Dr. Kristin Neff explains that “self-compassion is a practice of goodwill, not good feelings… with self-compassion, we mindfully accept that the moment is painful and embrace ourselves with kindness and care in response, remembering that imperfection is part of the shared human experience.”
When things get out of sorts for me, I have found that using positive self-talk and mindfulness exercises including meditation is helpful. These practices allow me to recenter my mind and remember that falling down is a natural part of life, but it doesn’t define me.
By treating ourselves with the same care, kindness, and compassion that we would a friend, we are able to challenge our inner critic and adopt a more objective perspective of our situation as we move forward again.
Maintain a Self-Care Plan
Life challenges affect everyone differently, though most of us tend to neglect our physical and mental wellness. The overwhelming feelings of stress and sadness may interfere with our ability to socialize, sleep, and even influence us to turn to unhealthy short-term fixes to cope. It is important during these times to maintain a self-care plan to ensure we have a healthy mind and body to help us manage our emotions and energy.
Whether it is spending time in nature, exercising, or listening to your favorite music, make it a priority to unplug and do something each day that you find enjoyable. This will help you clear your head and replenish your spirit so that you can continue working through your situation. I have found working out and walking outdoors helpful, as studies by Harvard and Duke show that just 30 minutes of exercise a day can reduce stress and boost our mood.
Proper nutrition is another core component of self-care, as research continues to prove that eating right can also help us combat the symptoms of depression. Of course occasionally enjoying your guilty food pleasures in moderation is fine (I love my french fries!) but consistently eating nutrient-rich foods, including fruits and vegetables, can have a positive effect on our physical, mental, and emotional health during hard times.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
The impact of experiencing a setback in life can send many of us inward, and we isolate our true feelings from others. We may feel embarrassed to admit we are struggling and try to manage our needs on our own because we don’t want to burden others. However, this approach can be very detrimental to our wellness and make things even worse. As I have learned, having the courage to put aside our pride and fear to reach out for help can make a world of difference in overcoming challenging times.
Asking for help was a HUGE barrier I had to overcome. After dealing with a rescinded job promotion, I didn't even tell my family or close friends how difficult a time I was having processing the situation. I thought I could push through on my own, but my frustration from the experience took a heavy toll on me. I finally decided to open up to a friend, who recommended I speak with a counselor. Initially, I had mixed feelings about the idea of therapy, but after giving it a try, I found speaking with a therapist to be very beneficial. It gave me an impartial perspective with whom to process my feelings and provided much-needed guidance to create a new action plan to get my life, health, and career back on track.
Remember, you don’t have to struggle in silence. We all have moments in our lives when we require the assistance of others. Don’t be afraid to reach out to the people you trust or even visit a licensed professional as they can provide the comforting support and wisdom you need to help you take positive steps forward.
Things Happen Not To Us, But For Us
During our rock bottom moments, the light at the end of the tunnel may seem dim or even nonexistent. The good news about these painful times is that we don’t have to allow the impact of our struggles to keep us stuck in a sunken place. One key to getting through them and out the other side is realizing that there is always a bigger picture.
Trust me, it is not always easy to find the silver lining or view every situation as serving a larger purpose, but I have found that having this perspective has helped me find ways to use obstacles to my advantage. Now when I encounter challenges, instead of thinking why did this have to happen to me? I try to think, what is the situation trying to teach me or what lesson I can take from this?
I think of the story of motivaional speaker Inky Johnson, whose NFL dream was cut short after suffering a life-threatening injury during a college football game. Inky shared through faith and perspective that he viewed his injury as the perfect opportunity for him to serve as a blessing to help empower, inspire, and encourage others to overcome adversity and struggle.
No matter what life throws at you, when you live with the belief that things can happen for you, you reclaim control of your life. Whether it is a new insight you gain about yourself or valuable life-lesson, by learning to create positive meaning out of every moment, we are able to use our circumstances as a growth opportunity to serve us. We may also find that we can use our experience to help us serve others who find themselves in a similar situation.
Make Big Strides with Small Steps
I recently read this article by Tim Denning, and I agree that taking action can be the hardest part of the journey, because the thought of having to make big changes can be overwhelming. But in order to make progress, you must start by taking one SMALL step. I want to emphasize that there is so much power in taking one small step because over time, the consistent action will add up towards making a significant difference in rebuilding your life.
You don’t have to do it all at once, and no step is too small. A step could be as simple as making a commitment that you will not be where you are today in 6 months or 1 year from now. Similar to how a baby learns to walk, you will rise, stumble, fall down, and rise up again along the way. It is okay if you have days where you feel fearful or even change your direction. Just take things one step at a time, celebrate your small wins, and you will keep the momentum going forward every day.
Final Thoughts
Writer Allison Michelle Dienstman says it best: “Life is not an even journey. There are ups and downs, straight paths and ones that curve, fork, or even appear blocked in the direction we wish to go. But, facing obstacles comes as a natural part of our existence, often leading us exactly to where we need to go.”
I want to encourage you to not lose hope in the face of a setback. Be kind to yourself, ask for help if you need it, and then work towards moving forward one small step at a time. While the journey back to center will take time and effort, I believe we each have the ability to make wonderful lemonade out of life.
What tips do you have for overcoming obstacles in life and career? What lessons have you learned from setbacks you have encountered in your journey? Please share in the comments below.